I Was Broken

Who would have thought that I, with so many burdens and baggages in life, would turn into someone that nobody, not even me, expected?

My Life Before

I grew up in a dysfunctional family. My parents were never married and I have siblings from both sides. I never understood why my family was like that. I never questioned my parents, but I did question God.

When I was younger, I experienced a horrifying chapter of my life. I was sexually abused.

Towards the end of my last year in High School, my dad lost his job. This forced me to postpone college, and to start working at an early age.

When I finally went to college, I was with full determination to succeed and help my family. But I was also searching for satisfaction. I started drinking alcohol, became a shopaholic, and I’ve been through trial-and-error relationships.

I was broken. I was exhausted from searching and searching and not finding anything that satisfied me. I changed and became active on “better” things – swimming, mountaineering, school work, sharing my money to others. I also forced myself to go to church. I hoped that all these “good works” would bring me joy and add credit in heaven to make up for my sins.

My Search Ends

Last April, my co-mountaineer and schoolmate, Ken Nicolas, invited the Mapua Mountaineering Club officers to attend a youth service. I really didn’t want to go, but I did.

To my surprise, the whole room was filled with students, the music was loud, and the ambience was lively. The students were jumping and raising their hands while singing. I didn’t understand what was happening, but I tried to go with the flow and sing.

When I went home, the songs and the preaching stayed in my mind. I even posted a Facebook status with lyrics that made an impact – “Your love never fails, it never gives up, never runs out on me…”

I started attending regularly because I felt God was there and that He was giving me the love that I have been searching for all this time.

Ate Whency started doing ONE 2 ONE with me. I listened intently to every word. When she asked me to read the bible, I did immediately. I was so hungry for God!

One night, I was crying in my room, asking for the forgiveness of my sins. I started to confess to Him my sins and that I will turn away from them and take only the direction towards Him. I felt His loving hug and felt Him say “You are already forgiven; I was just waiting for you to say it.” I was crying out loud and my body was shaking. I felt God heal my broken heart and soul.

A New Chapter Begins

I tried to change myself, but it was God who transformed me. I tried to search for love and satisfaction in “good things and bad things”, turns out God’s love was all I was looking for, and it has been available to me right from the start. I just had to accept it.

The way I live my life today has completely transformed, from setting my goals even to the way I dress. I believe I am living a life that is honoring to God. What He has in-store for me is better than what I had in-store for myself.

His grace and love sustains me and I couldn’t keep it to myself! I am thankful that God gave me the passion to share His word – the truth that God sacrificed His only Son, Jesus Christ, to pay the penalty of sins I should have paid!

I want to tell everyone my story so that they no longer go through what I went through before finding the answer to their problems. God is the only answer. He can heal your heart.

– Helen